While a divorce often means separating from your spouse, it’s rarely the end of a relationship. If you have children or other family ties, then it is likely that you will be interacting with them regularly. Even during the divorce proceedings, you will have to communicate with them to reach a suitable settlement.
It can feel a little overwhelming communicating with your spouse, but it is important that you stay calm. Even with the best divorce lawyer, you will still need to be part of the divorce proceedings. And with the following tips, it can become a lot easier.
How To communicate with your ex-spouse in a healthier way
It’s likely that you still have feelings for your spouse following your divorce, and that can make people act irrationally. Along with making it more difficult to come to a settlement, you could also have an emotional outburst that could paint you in a negative light. However, there are healthier ways that you can communicate with your spouse.
Set Boundaries
The first step to ensuring healthier communication with your ex-spouse is to set proper boundaries with them. If you are still living with your spouse during the divorce, you need to decide what topics are off-limits and what you can discuss in the house. Deciding on these topics can ensure that there is less miscommunication during the proceedings. Furthermore, when you and your spouse are on the same page about various topics surrounding your divorce, you can spend less time in mediation.
Experienced family attorneys will also tell you that you need to be careful with how you communicate with your spouse. Try to limit digital communication with them and talk about sensitive topics face-to-face. You should also avoid discussing personal details about the case with them, as that could result in you getting a reduced settlement.
Be Respectful
Although this might seem obvious, it can be difficult to keep those emotions bottled up when talking to your ex. Along with keeping emotional outbursts at a minimum, you want to refrain from belittling behavior like sarcasm and name-calling. Along with painting you in a negative light, it can also extend negotiations. You will have to be especially respectful if your children are with you during these proceedings; you want to set an example of healthy conflict resolution.
Being respectful also extends to looking out for your ex-spouse and their emotional well being. The divorce is likely hard on them too, and you want to make sure that they are also emotionally well during the proceedings. If they need a break, give them a little time to compose themselves or schedule the meeting for another day.
Give Yourself Time to Emotionally Prepare
Your ex-spouse’s emotional well being is not the only thing that you have to worry about. You also need to make sure that you’re emotionally ready to take on the challenges that come with divorce. If you’re angry, depressed, or just aren’t feeling yourself, it’s best to ask your ex to postpone the proceedings until you start feeling better.
While you’re in this state, you might make a rash decision or say something that you might end up regretting later. So to avoid those situations, it’s best if you sit it out instead. And when you feel better, you can resume negotiations with your divorce attorney present, and then make more rational decisions.
Keep Discussions Brief
An important way that you can avoid any misunderstandings or arguments with your spouse is by keeping discussions brief. Since you can’t avoid many of the discussions that you’re going to have with your estranged spouse, it’s best if you keep them to the point.
For instance, if you’re looking to make a change to your parenting time schedule, you don’t have to go into too many details as to why you need to change it. Instead, just mention the changes you need and when you need them, and if they have any complaints they can forward it to your family law lawyers.
By keeping your exchanges brief, you can make meetings with your ex-spouse more manageable while avoiding any arguments.
Put an Emphasis on Finding Solutions
When communicating with your spouse, conversations can often circle around the problem, as each individual shifts the blame to the other. This will usually lead to heightened emotions and very few constructive discussions. Therefore, if your ex-spouse is not looking to budge, then you should look to find solutions to problems. This can also sometimes mean compromising on things that you want.
Remember, you want to emphasize finding solutions to problems such as disputes in the family home or even schedules for the children. Furthermore, you should also avoid making “you” statements. These can quickly turn into accusations and can impede any progress that you’re making with your ex-spouse.
Limit Your Methods of Communication
Throughout the divorce proceedings, you want to be especially careful of how you communicate with your ex. Try to avoid most forms of digital communications, especially text messages, that could be taken out of context. If they have something important to discuss, try to get them to talk face-to-face. Text messages are also much more prone to creating misunderstandings, as it is difficult to determine tone and intent with messages.
Furthermore, as a general rule, it is important to understand that your spouse is a separate individual and anything that you say to them can be used against you. This is one of the first pieces of advice that a family lawyer will give you when initiating the divorce proceedings. You should be very careful of what you say to your spouse and how you say it.
Get the Help of a Professional Family Lawyer
Navigating the difficulties of a divorce can be emotionally and financially draining. The wrong decisions can cost you leverage and can make negotiations much more difficult. But with the help of an experienced divorce attorney, you can make more informed decisions. They can guide you through some of the more difficult aspects of the divorce proceedings and offer you advice on what you should mention to your ex-spouse.
