What to do if a parent is arrested is one of those questions that families never expect to have to face until it happens. At that moment, fear can take hold, and small everyday decisions (like who picks up the kids) suddenly seem overwhelming.
A simple plan can help you protect your children and avoid mistakes that complicate the situation by keeping key information organized.
This article is for general information only and doesn’t constitute legal advice. Laws and procedures vary by state and agency, and the best course of action may depend on local regulations and the details of the case.
The first hour: keep kids safe and get a trusted adult in place
The first goal is simple: keep the children safe and move forward with life. If the children witnessed the arrest, prioritize calmness and stability. Remove them from the scene, lower your voice, and use short, reassuring phrases.
In these cases, children need calm reassurance. Stay composed and tell them they’re safe and you have a plan.
Next, contact your pre-arranged caregiver (preferably a family member, if possible). Close family and friends often provide the least disruptive care, which can reduce stress for children. Family care is widely recognized as a way to preserve family bonds when parents are temporarily unable to provide care.
If a caregiver needs to pick up children from school or daycare, focus on the basic logistical details:
- Bring a photo ID and arrive with time to spare.
- Ask the school what they require for pickup authorization and emergency contacts.
- Write down who has the children, where they are staying, and how to reach that adult.
- Keep routines intact when you can: dinner, homework, bedtime, and medications.
If you’re the caregiver stepping in, document key details right away: children’s allergies, medications, doctors, and any existing custody or court orders in the household.
Confirm where the parent is—local jail, federal custody, or ICE detention
Clarity is the second objective. Not all detentions end up in the same place, and many families waste valuable time calling or going to the wrong office. Start by gathering as much information as you can:
- Full legal name (including hyphens or hyphenated last names)
- Date of birth
- County (or city) where the arrest happened
- For immigration-related detention, the A-number if available
Use official location tools rather than rumors or social media posts. The following are official entities:
- The Bureau of Prisons (BOP) inmate locator: this usually means they’re being held for a federal case.
- ICE’s Online Detainee Locator System (ODLS): Use this after an immigration arrest or a transfer from a local jail to ICE.
- Department of Justice: This page helps you determine which locator to use based on the situation and indicates the official locations where you can conduct your search.
Quick scam warning
If someone demands money “to release” your loved one, don’t rush into anything. Impersonation scams often spoof phone numbers and pressure families to pay immediately.
The FTC warns about scammers posing as law enforcement, and the BOP has reported similar phone scams targeting families. Verify through official channels before paying anyone.
Protect the parent’s rights without making things worse
In stressful moments, families sometimes try to “explain what happened” to help. That instinct can backfire. A safer approach is simple and consistent:
For the parent
- Say it out loud: “I’m going to remain silent. I want a lawyer.”
- Do not resist or argue physically.
- Understand Miranda as a constitutional right: Miranda warnings are tied to custody and interrogation, and they protect constitutional rights during questioning.
For the family
- Assume jail calls may be recorded. Don’t discuss the facts of the case over the phone, voicemail, text, or social media.
- Keep communications focused on logistics: court dates, medication needs, childcare, and attorney contact information.
- Start a written log: who you spoke to, the date/time, and what was said. That timeline helps you stay organized and reduces confusion.
This is also the time to locate any existing court orders, custody paperwork, or protective orders that may affect child placement decisions.
The 48-hour family plan: paperwork that lets someone care for your child
After the first shock, the paperwork becomes your best protection. When no one has authority to enroll a child in school, approve medical care, or access insurance, families usually get stuck.
Here’s what to prepare (and update twice a year):
- Emergency contacts (at least 3)
- School/daycare pickup permissions
- Child’s medical summary and allergies
- Health insurance cards (copies)
- Medication list with dosing schedule
- Copies of parent/child IDs (where available)
- Key court documents (custody orders, parenting plans)
- A short “care instructions” page (routines, comfort items, passwords for school portals)
State rules vary, but you can review common models:
- California’s Caregiver’s Authorization Affidavit can serve as a reference point for school and certain medical situations
- Texas provides an Authorization for Nonparent Care of a Child model that illustrates another approach.
Some states recognize standby guardianship, which can allow planning while a parent retains significant authority.
A local family lawyer or legal aid organization can tell you what applies where you live.
Keep all documents in a folder (physical and digital):
- Child IDs and birth certificates (copies)
- Health insurance info and doctors list
- Medication list and pharmacy
- School contacts and pickup authorization
- Custody/visitation orders
- Emergency caregiver contact sheet
- Work/schedule notes (who can do mornings, nights)
- “Family passwords” (school portals, childcare apps)
Court dates, bail, and getting legal help fast
Early court events move quickly. One of the first appearances may be called an arraignment or first appearance, depending on the jurisdiction. Your job as a family member is to confirm the time and location, track deadlines, and avoid missed notices.
Bail is money paid as a guarantee that someone will return to court, and it varies widely by state and by case.
Some people are released on conditions without bail; others may have stricter terms. Write down what you learn, including any no-contact orders or travel restrictions.
Practical steps that help in the first 48 hours:
- Confirm the next court date (with the jail or court clerk): call the jail or check with the court clerk to get the exact date, time, courtroom, and case number (if available). Missing the first hearing can trigger a warrant or delay release.
- Ask about bond conditions and payment methods: If bail/bond is set, find out the amount and any rules for release (for example: no-contact orders, travel limits, check-ins, or surrendering a passport). Don’t waste time showing up with the wrong form of payment.
- Keep a simple timeline: Write down key events and times (arrest, booking, transfers, court) because people can get moved quickly between facilities.
If your household needs immediate guidance, especially when children and immigration issues overlap, consider seeking qualified guidance early, including support when a family member is detained.
For reputable legal help, start with public-facing directories and legal-aid resources:
- The American Bar Association’s “Find Legal Help” hub and lawyer-finder tools.
If the parent is detained by ICE: keep parental rights and child placement on track
Many families use the word “detained” to mean immigration detention. If ICE is involved, act quickly, but stay organized.
Prioritize paperwork that keeps children out of limbo. If possible, the detained parent should sign a caregiver authorization (state rules vary) so a trusted adult can enroll kids in school and approve medical care.
Gather copies of birth certificates, custody orders, and key immigration documents, and share them with the attorney. If child welfare becomes involved, record every contact and request kinship placement with relatives as the first option whenever possible.
ICE provides guidance on locating individuals and using ODLS, including the information you’ll need to search. For families, the most urgent issue is often child placement.
Detained parents can still take steps to protect parental interests and stay involved in decisions, especially when child welfare agencies or family courts are involved. ICE also publishes detained parent FAQs with practical steps and points of contact.
If your family has mixed immigration status, a preparedness plan can reduce chaos. The Immigrant Legal Resource Center offers a structured family preparedness plan that focuses on childcare planning and key documents. Information specific to detained parents is also available from the National Immigration Law Center.
Helping kids cope while the legal process plays out
Children don’t need legal details; they need reassurance, routine, and one steady adult. Start with simple language: “You’re safe. I’m here. The adults are handling it.”
Keep daily life predictable: regular meals, school, and bedtime signal security. If feelings spill out as tantrums, silence, or sleep problems, respond with patience and structure, not punishment.
Let teachers or counselors know there’s a temporary family emergency so they can offer support without sharing case information.
Remind children they can ask questions anytime, and answer only what they can understand. If another adult is helping, agree on the same script to avoid mixed messages.
Praise small coping skills, like using words instead of yelling.
Children often cope best with calm reassurance and predictable routines without case details. Many families keep school and bedtime steady and tell teachers only “family emergency.” If contact is possible, short supportive calls can help.
- Consistent routines
- Limited media
- Gentle reassurance
Your Family Arrest Emergency Plan: Key Takeaways
You can’t control every part of the system, but you can anticipate and be prepared. A plan reduces panic, protects children, and keeps decisions in the hands of trusted adults, especially during the first two days, when confusion is highest.
- Get kids to a trusted adult (kinship-first when possible).
- Confirm where the parent is (local jail vs. federal vs. ICE) using official locators.
- Protect rights (remain silent and ask for a lawyer; avoid case talk on recorded calls).
- Gather essential documents and caregiving authorizations (state-specific examples).
- Watch for impersonation/payment scams; verify through official channels.
Mini checklist for the adults
- Identify a trusted caregiver
- Confirm school pickup rules
- Gather child medical info
- Copy insurance cards
- Record arrest location/time
- Use official inmate/detainee locators
- Write a timeline of events
- Don’t discuss case facts on calls
- Confirm next court date
- Store documents in one folder (physical and digital).
Help for kids
Kids may feel scared, angry, or embarrassed, and all of that can be normal. Caregivers can use free, research-informed tools to talk about incarceration in a developmentally appropriate way, including some age-appropriate family resources.
What to do if a parent is arrested is also about what happens next: protect the children first, confirm custody location through official channels, and organize paperwork so daily life stays stable while the legal process unfolds.
