Child sex abuse is among the most despicable and horrific crimes a person could commit. Because an act of sexual abuse is so traumatic to a young person, it usually causes long-lasting symptoms well into adulthood. One such symptom is often referred to as repressed memories – a memory that is unintentionally stored away when it becomes too hard to process.
Was I Sexually Abused and Don’t Remember?
It is not uncommon for survivors of sexual abuse to “block out” memories of their abuse, whether consciously or subconsciously. The brain often deals with trauma by “forgetting” the incidents to protect us from suffering from them. Unfortunately, this also means many years may pass before you can confront the events and initiate the healing process.
In some situations, forgetting an incident of sexual abuse is involuntary. Many perpetrators of abuse use alcohol or drugs such as Rohypnol (also known as “roofies” or “mickies”) or ketamine to prevent the individual from remembering their crimes. Additionally, if you were young when the crime occurred, your brain may not have been developed enough to remember the incident.
Fortunately, there are avenues for recovering repressed memories and pursuing justice, even if it has been many years since the crime occurred.
Adult Manifestations of Childhood Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse causes a devastating impact on a child, but as the child ages, the trauma of the abuse begins to manifest in unique ways. Every case of abuse is different, but if you survived an incident (or multiple incidents) of sexual abuse as a child, your abuse may manifest in some of the following ways:
- PTSD: Experiencing flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and avoidance behaviors.
- Depression and Anxiety: Struggling with chronic feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and constant fear.
- Low Self-Esteem: Persistent feelings of shame and guilt, leading to difficulties in asserting oneself and setting boundaries.
- Dysfunctional Relationships: Challenges with trust and intimacy, resulting in difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships.
- Sexual Dysfunction: Issues with intimacy, arousal, and sexual functioning, as well as establishing healthy sexual boundaries.
- Substance Abuse: Turning to drugs or alcohol as a means of coping with the emotional pain and memories.
- Self-Harm and Suicidal Thoughts: Engaging in self-harming behaviors or experiencing suicidal ideation as a way to cope with emotional pain.
- Eating Disorders: Developing disorders like anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating as a form of control or coping mechanism.
What Are Repressed Memories?
Repressed memories usually occur as a type of defense mechanism. When an act of sexual abuse happens, the brain often prevents you from reliving the event through your memory as a way to “protect” you. When this happens, parts of the memory, or even the entire memory, can be temporarily lost subconsciously.
This process can continue for years until the memories resurface again. Similarly, a person may experience suppressed memories (as opposed to repressed memories) if they consciously divert from painful memories. If this happens frequently enough, suppression may look similar to repression and may also happen subconsciously.
Are Repressed Memories Real?
While repressed memories are real and happen frequently, it is also common for some individuals to “recall” false memories. Many psychological studies have shown that most, if not all, memories are slightly fabricated if recalled enough times. This is why it is extremely important to consult with a mental health professional if you think that you are uncovering repressed memories of sexual abuse, so that you can be sure that they are real and not unintentional fabrications.
What Is Repressed Childhood Trauma?
When traumatic events happen in childhood, whether they stem from sexual abuse or another event, the memory of the event can sometimes be “clouded” or lost altogether. Traumatic childhood events can be significant incidents, such as violence or abuse, but they can also be less significant events looking back as adults (such as bullying or a minor accident). According to a study done by Johns Hopkins University, nearly half of all children in the United States experience at least one Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE), a clinical term for trauma experienced as a child.
How Do You Know if You Have Repressed Childhood Trauma?
Many times, adults will not know that they have repressed childhood trauma unless something triggers the memory of a traumatic event. For example, someone may have an aversion to the taste of tomatoes because a parent abusively force-fed them tomatoes as a child. They may not draw a connection to these two things if they do not recall the traumatic memory on their own, but after a while, the memory may fully resurface.
The uneasy feeling that an adult with repressed childhood trauma may experience when they go to certain places or see certain objects or people associated with their trauma is called a “fight, flight, or fright” response. If you experience this phenomenon, it may indicate that you have repressed childhood trauma.
Signs of Repressed Childhood Sexual Abuse
Signs of repressed childhood sexual abuse can manifest in significantly different ways, depending on the nature of the abuse, who the abuse is perpetrated or experienced by, and the age of the survivor. Though they may vary, some common indicators may be:
- The inability to recall certain events or timelines in your childhood
- Chronic anxiety or stress
- Feeling triggered by certain types of people, places, or objects
- Being susceptible to unhealthy patterns or risky behavior, such as gambling, substance abuse, or unhealthy relationships
- Disassociation or panic attacks
- Trust issues, mood swings, or erratic behavior
What to Do if You Were Sexually Assaulted Years Ago
If you were sexually assaulted years ago, the first and most important thing you should do is take care of your mental health. Individuals who suddenly uncover repressed childhood memories of traumatic events often deal with very painful repercussions.
Do not try to deal with it alone. Confide in people you trust, such as close friends and family, and seek support from a mental health professional or doctor.
If you feel able to do so, it might also be a good idea to speak to an attorney who practices in child sexual abuse cases in your state to understand your rights as a survivor of child sex abuse and what the process might be for seeking compensation and justice for your abuse.
How to Recover Repressed Memories
Though science is just beginning to understand the true nature of repressed memories, many methods can have a positive effect on your healing process and possibly unlock memories that you have repressed out of childhood trauma. Some simple but effective methods might include journaling, group therapy, or meditation.
Some individuals have also had success with repressed memory therapy, which usually involves hypnosis or guided imagery. However, it is important to remember that these methods are often considered experimental or “alternative” and not necessarily rooted in science. Some studies even suggest that these methods can plant false memories, setting back your recovery significantly.
When weighing your options, it is always a good idea to consult with a licensed mental health professional to determine which methods are right for you.
How to Seek Legal Help for Childhood Sexual Abuse
Just because the sexual abuse took place many years ago, that does not mean that the perpetrator(s) of your abuse get to live without consequences. If you decide that you want to pursue legal action against your abuser, you likely have many legal options to do so.
Top attorneys often partner with powerful survivor-led movements. The Breaking Code Silence movement, for example, has created an essential network for survivors of the ‘Troubled Teen Industry.’ The movement, initiated by survivors in 2014, helps people share their stories, uncover widespread abuse, and identify patterns. Experienced firms work alongside these groups to help survivors seek justice. This collaboration transforms individual stories into a collective force for accountability. You may even receive restitution if the perpetrator of your abuse is found guilty, meaning you could be compensated thousands or even millions for the pain you have endured over the years.
Even if your abuser is no longer living, you can still sue their estate or the organizations or individuals who allowed your abuse to happen. Your success in pursuing legal action will depend on the state you live in and whether the statute of limitations has expired. It will also depend if your lawyer and law enforcement can collect evidence of your abuse.
The best option for navigating childhood sex abuse cases when the incident happened long ago is to find a lawyer in your state who is experienced in helping adult survivors of abuse.
