There’s nothing harder on a parent than fighting for the right to stay with their kids.
The stress and strain it puts on you emotionally and mentally. The headache of dealing with legal issues you never knew existed. The uncertainty and wondering if it’s all going to work out or not. It’s a battle you have to fight and can’t ever really be fully prepared for.
But what most parents don’t realise is this:
The right approach can make all the difference to the outcome.
Fortunately, these approaches are something you can learn here and now.
Here’s a preview of what we’re going to cover:
- What courts actually look for in custody cases
- How to build up your case the right way
- Mistakes parents make which cost them custody
- What strategies you know will work
The Truth About Custody Battles In 2024
Hold on…
Did you know that actually, most custody cases never even go to trial?
Believe it or not, 90% of custody disputes don’t even go before a judge. Instead, they’re settled between parents – often through lawyers or mediators.
However, whether you’re settling a custody case outside of court or not, there are some things you need to know.
Each state has different laws around child custody and visitation, and they handle these cases in their own way.
So, to get ahead and get a big leg up on your case before it even begins, it pays to know the laws in your state and how they work.
The single biggest factor in most child custody cases is the principle that a judge always acts in the best interests of the child.
This is what they work from in nearly all decisions, and all the evidence in the world doesn’t matter if it can’t be shown to be good for your child.
Document, Document, Document
Believe it or not, this is one of the easiest tips to improve your custody case. But it is also one of the most effective.
And it’s something you can start today, right now.
Every interaction you have with your ex. Every time you spend with your child. Every single thing you spend on your child. Write it down.
What you should be keeping track of:
- All communication between you and your ex.
- Your parenting schedule and the amount of time you spend with your child.
- School involvement, including meetings, events, and homework.
- Medical appointments and decision-making.
- Financial expenses for your child, including receipts and statements.
This does two things for you. It means that if your ex is saying stuff about you to the court which isn’t true, you have a record of things which disproves it.
Likewise, it also shows the court you are serious about being an active parent.
Show Up
It sounds simple, but the parent who turns up the most often usually wins child custody.
If you have a set parenting schedule, never miss a beat. Be there for every pickup and drop-off time. Show up for school events, doctor appointments, and parent-teacher conferences.
Family courts can spot trends over time. If you cancel one baseball game, it may not count against you. But if you have a history of cancellations or repeated tardiness, that can damage your case significantly.
Maintain Stability
Judges want to know that you can provide a stable and safe home for your child.
This means having:
- A proper bed for your child to sleep in (they can’t sleep on a couch all the time)
- Safety equipment like smoke detectors and locks on cabinets
- A clean and tidy environment
- Living close to your child’s school, if possible
It also means having a stable lifestyle. This includes work hours, a reliable transportation method, and a support network of family or friends who can help if you need it.
Speak Well of Your Ex
Bad mouthing your ex in front of your kids is one of the biggest custody mistakes a parent can make. And posting stuff about your ex on social media doesn’t look good either.
Courts don’t like parental alienation, and if you give the impression that you are trying to turn your child against their other parent, you are only going to harm your case.
The better approach is to talk respectfully about your ex in your child’s presence. Encourage your child’s relationship with the other parent and be the bigger person.
Know Your State’s Custody Laws
The laws surrounding child custody and divorce vary from state to state. They also tend to change or evolve over time.
This means that it pays to have an experienced family law attorney on your side who knows and understands the latest laws where you live.
They will know which state custody statutes apply and which factors a court looks at. For example, any history of domestic violence or drug use or who the primary caregiver has been.
Remember that in 80% of custody cases, the custodial parent is the mother.
This isn’t to say that fathers can’t win, but it is to say that if you are a mother, you have the numbers stacked against you a little.
As a father, it pays to be as tactical and strategic as possible in this area.
Be Willing to Compromise
Compromise is key to most custody agreements. If you go in thinking you are going to win all and get nothing, then that is what you are going to get.
Likewise, if your ex has their heart set on something you have to have, you are in for a long and bitter fight.
Remember that if you need to win at something, then you are far better off thinking about where you can compromise.
Think about what is most important to you. Is it getting your child during the week? On the weekends? Is it important to have them at Christmas?
These are things to think about and work on.
Build Your Support Network
Parents with a good support network are far more likely to win custody than those who have to do everything on their own.
If you have family members or friends you can rely on to help with childcare or emergency babysitting, this is good.
If you have friends and colleagues who have seen you interact with your kids, who can vouch for you if you need them, this is also good.
It’s also worth you having connections in your community as this will also work in your favour.
The Best Interests of the Child
This is something all courts have as their overarching guideline. The court will always act in the child’s best interests.
This means that if you are seen to be fighting for custody out of spite or hatred for your ex, the court will see it. And it won’t help you at all.
With all the evidence you present, all the arguments you make, it has to come back to this one simple question: is this for the best interests of my child?
Get Professional Help
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you can manage your child custody battle all on your own.
These are complex legal issues and navigating the system is not easy.
Family law is a unique and specialist area of law. It’s one where well-meaning people can make costly mistakes that can lose them their case.
Get a good family law attorney to help you through. This is going to save you a lot of stress and time in the long run.
If you can get a family therapist to work with you too, this will not only help you through what is a difficult time for you as a parent but also shows the court that you are willing to do anything for the benefit of your child.
The Bottom Line on Custody
Custody battles are never easy or fun.
There are no two ways about it. But the right approach can make all the difference to the result of your case.
In the United States alone, there are currently 12.9 million parents who are custodial parents to their kids.
All 12.9 million of those parents have been in your shoes and have been through the same process you are about to go through.
Don’t lose sight of why you are doing this. Document everything. Work with experienced legal professionals and try to remain positive.
